Are you in a relationship with an INFJ?
Or maybe you have an INFJ friend or family member in your life?
Understanding how to treat an INFJ can be a game-changer in your relationship with them.
INFJs are known for their sensitivity, empathy, and creativity, but they also have unique needs and tendencies that can be easily overlooked.
In this article, we’ll explore some tips and insights on how to best treat an INFJ, from planning surprises to avoiding ego defensiveness.
So, whether you’re looking to deepen your connection with an INFJ or simply want to learn more about this personality type, keep reading to discover how to treat an INFJ with care and respect.
How To Treat An INFJ
1. Plan Surprises: INFJs are known to be organized and enjoy having a plan, but they also enjoy spontaneity. However, it’s important to plan surprises that you know your INFJ will love doing. This could be a weekend trip to a new place, an outdoor activity, or a trip to an art museum. INFJs are adventurous at heart and love experiencing new things. More importantly, they love creating memories with the people nearest and dearest to their hearts.
2. Understand Past Pain and Trauma: INFJs deal with past pain differently than other personality types. It’s important to understand the difference between past pain and trauma. Pain can be anything that hurts your feelings or ego, while trauma is caused by a significant event that results in a long-term impact on how you function mentally and/or physically. INFJs are likely to have similar reactions to trauma as they do with past pain, including avoiding people, places, or things that remind them of the trauma, experiencing fear and anxiety about the outside world, blaming themselves for the trauma (guilt), having difficulty trusting others, focusing on caring for others instead of healing the self, becoming overly critical of others, using self-deprecating statements as a coping mechanism, and stress manifesting as chronic physical pain.
3. Avoid Ego Defensiveness: Ego defensiveness is number one for INFJs. An ego defensive partner can also induce ego defensiveness in the INFJ, which can quickly lead to the erosion of respect and love in the relationship. INFJs tend to do very poorly with passive aggressive behavior, which can be extremely destructive. They are not like Fi types who can internally manage their feelings. Instead, INFJs actually do better when they keep their feelings out in the open where they can be appropriately managed and dealt with.
4. Be Wary of Pitfalls: INFJs need to be wary of the pitfalls that are specific to their inferior sensing function. It is important that they not be blinded by physical attractiveness, sexual compatibility, or material wealth to the potential character flaws in their partners. Placing these factors ahead of other more substantive N traits (like intellectual compatibility, mutual respect and understanding, etc.) should be avoided.
5. Reduce Pressure and Strain: INFJs have a tendency to take on more projects and responsibilities than they can handle. Reducing the number of items on their to-do list can help exponentially in calming them down and reducing pressure and strain.
Understanding The INFJ Personality Type
INFJs are one of the 16 Myers-Briggs personality types, and they are known for being deeply complex and often confusing creatures. They are highly intuitive and empathetic individuals who have a heightened awareness of human energies, emotions, unmet needs, and unconscious motivations. INFJs have a strong sixth sense that helps them pick up on the subtlest clues about what’s going on for other people. They are “kings and queens of people watching” and focus on the experience of each individual, how that individual relates to the rest of the world, and how that individual responds and reacts to the relationships around them.
INFJs are deeply caring individuals who crave deep connections with others. They tend to take their time opening up to others, but once they do, they are fiercely loyal and committed. INFJs are also highly sensitive individuals who can easily become overwhelmed by stress or emotional turmoil. As a result, they may need more alone time than other personality types to recharge their batteries.
INFJs deal with past pain differently than other personality types. They may avoid people, places, or things that remind them of past trauma and may experience fear and anxiety about the outside world. It’s important to understand the difference between past pain and trauma and to be supportive of an INFJ’s healing journey.
When interacting with an INFJ, it’s important to avoid ego defensiveness and passive-aggressive behavior. INFJs tend to do better when they keep their feelings out in the open where they can be appropriately managed and dealt with. It’s also important to be wary of potential character flaws in partners and not be blinded by physical attractiveness, sexual compatibility, or material wealth.
Honoring Their Need For Alone Time
INFJs are introverted and highly sensitive individuals who require frequent alone time to recharge and maintain their mental health. Without adequate alone time, they may become overwhelmed and unable to function effectively in their social obligations. It’s important to understand that this need for alone time is not a personal rejection or reflection of their feelings towards you, but rather a necessary part of their self-care routine.
As a partner or friend of an INFJ, it’s crucial to respect their need for alone time and not take it personally. INFJs use this time to reflect on their emotions, recharge their energy, and process the information they have absorbed from the outside world. This alone time allows them to regain their sense of self and be better equipped to support and care for the people they love.
It’s also important to note that INFJs may have few friends due to their need for alone time, which leaves little room for socializing. This does not mean they do not value friendships or relationships, but rather that they require a balance between social obligations and alone time to function effectively.
To honor an INFJ’s need for alone time, it’s important to communicate openly about it and establish boundaries that work for both parties. This could mean scheduling alone time into your shared calendar or creating a designated space in the home where the INFJ can retreat when needed. It’s important to recognize that this is not a personal rejection, but rather a necessary part of their self-care routine.
Appreciating Their Empathy And Sensitivity
One of the most remarkable traits of INFJs is their empathy and sensitivity towards others. They have a deep understanding of human emotions and can quickly pick up on the feelings of those around them. As a result, INFJs are often drawn to people who are kind, compassionate, and empathetic towards others. If you want to treat an INFJ well, it’s important to appreciate their empathy and sensitivity.
One way to show your appreciation is to acknowledge how much you value their ability to understand and relate to others. This can be as simple as saying “I appreciate how empathetic you are” or “I admire your sensitivity towards others.” INFJs often feel like they are misunderstood or not appreciated for these traits, so hearing positive feedback can go a long way in making them feel valued.
It’s also important to recognize that INFJs can become overwhelmed by the emotions of others. They need time alone to recharge and process their own feelings, especially after spending time in emotionally charged situations. If you notice that your INFJ partner or friend seems drained or stressed after spending time with others, encourage them to take some time for themselves. Let them know that it’s okay to prioritize their own emotional health and wellbeing.
Another way to appreciate an INFJ’s empathy and sensitivity is to reciprocate with your own kindness and compassion. INFJs thrive in relationships where there is mutual understanding and respect. If you show genuine care and concern for their emotional wellbeing, they will likely do the same for you.
Planning Surprises And Thoughtful Gestures
INFJs are known for their love of organization and planning, but they also enjoy surprises and spontaneity. When planning a surprise for an INFJ, it’s important to choose something that you know they will love. This could be a weekend trip to a new place, an outdoor activity, or a trip to an art museum. INFJs love experiencing new things and creating memories with their loved ones.
One important thing to keep in mind when planning surprises for an INFJ is to avoid changing plans last minute. This can cause unnecessary stress and anxiety for the INFJ. Instead, plan ahead and make sure the surprise is something that aligns with their interests and preferences.
Another way to show your love and appreciation for an INFJ is through thoughtful gestures. INFJs appreciate gifts that come from the heart and show that their loved ones truly understand them. Consider their favorite TV show, comic book, or fiction novel and find a gift that ties into those things. This will show them that you pay attention when they speak and care about their interests.
In addition to material gifts, INFJs also appreciate quality time with their loved ones. Plan a special date night or a day trip to a place they’ve been wanting to visit. INFJs value deep connections with others, so spending quality time together is one of the best ways to show your love and appreciation.
Avoiding Conflict And Ego Defensiveness
INFJs tend to avoid conflict and may blame themselves when conflicts arise. However, it’s important to understand that conflict is a natural part of any relationship and can serve a useful purpose. Instead of indulging in feelings of guilt, try to accept conflict as a healthy part of life.
To avoid ego defensiveness, it’s important to keep communication open and honest. INFJs tend to do better when they keep their feelings out in the open where they can be appropriately managed and dealt with. Be aware of passive-aggressive behavior and try to avoid it as it can be extremely destructive. If you feel like your partner is inducing ego defensiveness in you, try to communicate your feelings without blaming them.
It’s also important to be wary of the pitfalls that are specific to their inferior sensing function. INFJs should not be blinded by physical attractiveness, sexual compatibility, or material wealth to the potential character flaws in their partners. Placing these factors ahead of other more substantive N traits (like intellectual compatibility, mutual respect and understanding, etc.) should be avoided.
Encouraging Their Creativity And Passion Projects
INFJs are known for their creativity and imagination, but sometimes they can fall into a slump or a period of “writers block” or “artists block”. Encouraging their creativity and passion projects can help them get out of this slump and reignite their passion for their craft. Here are some ways to do so:
1. Support Their Ideas: INFJs have a lot of ideas, but they may not always share them due to fear of rejection or lack of support. Encourage them to share their ideas with you and show enthusiasm for their projects. This will help them feel validated and motivated to pursue their passions.
2. Create a Supportive Environment: INFJs thrive in a harmonious and cooperative environment. Create a space that is conducive to their creativity, whether it’s a dedicated workspace or simply a quiet corner in the house. Encourage them to decorate the space with items that inspire them, such as artwork or motivational quotes.
3. Give Them Time: INFJs need time to process their thoughts and ideas, so don’t rush them. Allow them the time they need to fully develop their projects and ideas. This will help them produce their best work and feel more fulfilled in the process.
4. Provide Feedback: INFJs value feedback that is constructive and supportive. Be honest with your feedback, but also be kind and encouraging. This will help them improve their work while also feeling appreciated for their efforts.
5. Celebrate Their Accomplishments: INFJs are driven by a desire to serve others, but they also need recognition and appreciation for their hard work. Celebrate their accomplishments, no matter how small, and show them that you value their contributions. This will motivate them to continue pursuing their passions and making a positive impact on the world.
